Last week I
wrote a store owner at which I have some instruments on consignment, asking if
he would consider taking a 20% commission instead of his usual 25%. Here is his response:
Unfortunately - I am unable to deviate
from the 25% commission, as all instruments on consignment are subject to this
rate - In the interest of fairness to other sellers we cannot make adjustments.
What irks me is not the percentage,
although I think 25% is too greedy, nor the curious idea that equality
corresponds to fairness. What gets me is
the way he abdicates responsibility for his decision, claiming, “I am
unable...” and “we cannot....”
I call these people ‘accountably
challenged’. They haven’t the gumption
to take responsibility for their decisions.
And isn't that “we” part a nice touch?
Spread the focus so, like watching a gaggle of geese taking off in an
explosion of flapping and honking, you don’t know which one to aim at.
I sometimes think not owning our
behaviour is THE main dysfunctionality of our culture. Prisons are filled with people who will tell
you it wasn't their fault… couldn't help it... had no choice.... We are a self-victimizing society.
I’ll never forget years ago when Washington
DC mayor Marion Barry was asked why he lied to the press about being hooked on
cocaine. His reply: "That was the
disease talking. I didn't purposely lie
to you. I was a victim." Yes... a victim of his own mouth.
And what about me? How often does the “I can’t” syndrome creep
into my own interactions? “I can’t go to
the movies with you. I have to
study.” “I can’t afford to buy that
shirt.” The truth is I make
choices. I choose to study rather than
go out. My priority is to buy something
other than that shirt with my money.
I notice that paying attention to my
language helps me identify my attitudes, my needs. So these days I’m paying particular attention
to “I can't.” It helps me identify when
I’m avoiding and why.
And I’m looking at
alternatives. “Come to the movies with
me?” “No thank you. I plan to study.”
On the other hand I’ll forgive Flip
Wilson, prancing on stage in outrageously garish drag, and defiantly
proclaiming, “The devil made me buy this dress.” You go gal.
