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Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Seeing with a different eye

I was on the phone with my sweetie who lives away, chatting about this and that, and she said, “I got hit on today.  He was a nice looking guy and when I said I was going away for the weekend he asked me to take him with me.”

“Did you want to take him with you?”

“I don’t know.  He was kind of cute.  But I said to him – and you’re not going to like this -- I said to him, “Go ask your wife.”

Sweetie was referring to the fact that I don’t appreciate when people ask my wife what kind of relationship they’re allowed to have with me.  I know it’s the usual way partnerships are arranged but not mine; and I often feel like the odd one out when I share that I’m in charge of my relationship decisions.  To me it seems like the adult way to be, but I often see with a different eye, walk a different path.

Before my sweetie and I started to get intimate, to my annoyance she asked my wife if it was OK for us to play.  She doesn’t want to encroach on a sister’s ‘property’.  To the vast majority of folks I meet it just seems ‘natural’ for there to be an ownership between couples, and when hooking up, the first thing to deny themselves is permission to love freely.

Anyway to get back to my story, when she told him to go ask his wife, he hemmed and hawed. 

“And then guess what he said next,” she asked me.  “You’ll laugh.”


“He said, ‘She’d never say yes.  She loves me too much.’”

I did laugh a bit, not because it was funny but because she knew if she ever asked me the same question my response would be, “I’d never say no.  I love you too much.”

Maybe in the next blog I’ll write about what love is for me.

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