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Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Love on my birthday

Ah so many lovely birthday wishes.  I especially liked the e-card that said, "If you care enough to click."   :-)

A friend wrote, questioning their love-ability, and I'm getting so much love from you guys right now, it prompted me to answer.  So here's what I wrote about love.

Hi S,

Everyone I say this to knows it already but I'll say it anyway:  What
other people think of me is none of my business.

It goes more to the (fruitless) question, what if they don't like me,
but I find it true as well for those that judge me positively.  Oh don't
get me wrong.  I bathe myself in folks' appreciation (today being my
birthday and the cyber world what it is, I'm getting lots of love) but I
don't spend much time deciding if their love is misplaced.  Suppose it
is... I don't care.  I'd rather just soak it up.  Now maybe you would
call me indiscriminate.  OK.  If it means accepting more love I'll
cultivate my lack of discrimination.

For me, the above is what I call loving myself.  It's not about judging
myself, either positively or negatively.  I was going to say it's also
not about judging others... I realize I do judge others.  But I'm not
going to castigate myself for it.  I do find myself laughing at myself
from time to time.  Self love is about letting myself off the hook and
opening myself to love.

I want to tell you that I felt like I'd failed my first Level two:
"Loving Oneself".  I got in touch with all my insecurities, the defenses I
use to separate myself, the pain of not being picked, my anger, my
jealousy, my paranoia.  It all came to the fore.  A few days later I had lunch with Stan Dale who created the HAI workshop and told him all this.  His response was, "Wow, Eric, you really got it didn't you?  You took Level Two right to your core."

His statement started me on a new adventure, an exploration of self
along a divergent path where the sights to see are all my
'shortcomings'.  I'm still on it and loving it.

S, you know I love you.  My request is don't look to see if I'm
making a mistake, or misguided, or if I'm actually so perceptive it must
be true.  True shmoo false schmaltz.  My request is take it and use it
to feel good.


Eric Nagler
597214 2nd Line W
Shelburne, ON, L0N1S7
519 925 5902
519 925 0009 (day)

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